Thank an Introvert: When You're Unappreciated Too

This here is a shout-out to my introvert friends. First of all, you should all read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. It’s very interesting, even if she does have a bit of a chip on her shoulder. (Sorry, but it’s true.)  Second, I want to thank you. Not all of you, mind you, because some of you are as self-centered as me. But you introverts who spend your life observing people like it’s your job? You’ve saved my life more than once.

The other side to not feeling appreciative enough of other people is feeling unappreciated. When the kids were really little, Forrest and I used to joke about putting up a sign in our house. Instead of saying, “Live. Laugh. Love,” it would say, “I do see all the things you are doing, and I am thankful you are doing them.”  That way, instead of fighting about how exhausted we both were, we could just look up at the sign and remember that our partner was in this fight with us too and not failing to say thank you on purpose.

It’s a little different when building community. There are a lot of unsung tasks that go into making people comfortable, being welcoming, and honoring vulnerability. It is entirely possible people might never notice what you’re doing. And that, even with the best self-care, can really get you down.

Before doing anything else, I ask myself some questions. Am I feeling unappreciated because I’m only looking at what I’m doing and not seeing anyone else’s efforts? Am I trying to be some sort of martyr, going farther than is necessary in some frenzy of business? If the answer’s yes, then I need to reconnect to myself. Something’s going on inside I need to figure out.

If not, if I really am pouring from a full bucket and just not feeling cared for, that’s where the “noticers” come in. Usually they’re introverted, quiet, and a little too observant for my own good. But when I’m getting all bent out of shape about being exhausted, I like to sit down next to a noticer. Sooner or later, they let me in on a secret: they see me. They saw how much work I did, or how I showed kindness in the face of insult or how I set aside my own wants to meet someone’s needs.

Then, I get to have the best job of all: noticing the noticers. What an amazing role they have to play in this world! How rarely do people see that! So let’s give some appreciation to those who do nothing less than speak truth and insight into our lives when we need it most.

Thank an introvert today. Even (and especially) if that’s yourself!