Day 20: Choose Gratitude

Most Mondays around here, we have family meetings where we decide, discuss and solve problems. It mostly works, I suppose. My favorite part is the last section, in which we force everyone in the family to go around and appreciate something about every other person. It is sometimes really easy (“Thanks for making me my favorite meal, mom!”) and sometimes really hard (“Thanks for….thanks for…thanks for…not always being the most annoying sister in the world.”) Appreciations are, however, essential after group decision making that can sometimes get a little bit contentious. Let’s just say, three sisters in one room requires a lot of discussion on what exactly “lights out” means vis a vis flashlights, reading under the covers, and even sometimes the exact angle at which the door to the hallway is open.

Those final appreciations remind us that even when our connections are strained, there is good in each other. This is no less important in our larger communities. Other people can be aggravating. They can be rude, unintentionally hurtful and occasionally just straight up jerks. And when those moments come, it can help to choose gratitude. To remember the times those jerks showed up to help out with sick kids, or brought meals, or even just let you vent for a long time about a stupid work problem.

Even with gratitude, we might need to have hard conversations, set up new boundaries we didn’t think we needed, and call people out for bad behavior. Coming to those conversations with at least a few grateful thoughts can help change our perspective. It can affirm that those strong connections aren’t just between us, a perfect angel, and them, the worst person in the whole wide world. It can remind us that when we have struggled, they have been there for us, putting up with our bad behavior. It can allow us to take those hard moments and use them to create better friendships and more understanding communities.

How can you choose gratitude in your community today?