Stop Trying to Be So Cool: Consistent, Predictable and Simple Connections

Being habitual with connection can mean a lot of things, whether that’s deciding to ask how a checkout clerk is doing each time I’m at to the store or setting up a weekly potluck dinner.  The key is to make sure it’s consistent, predictable, and simple.  Consistency is necessary because if something switches around, conflicts will abound.  Let’s say I am going to do a weekly game night each Monday.  For the first few weeks, people will have prior engagements.  After a month or so, though, those will have worn off and the people who want to make it a priority will have.  Then the game night will be the prior engagement.  If I’m constantly switching the day, all of a sudden people who cleared the night are annoyed and people who would have planned on coming don’t know when it will be. 

Part of connection is honoring that when people take you up on offers of connection, they are giving you a great gift: their time.  It is our most limited resource and I truly believe we must not waste someone else’s time through carelessness.  That isn’t to say we can’t take up their time – of course we deserve to take space in the world.  But let’s be thankful for the time people give us, not cavalier with it.

Predictable connection helps both us and others feel at ease.  There is a time and place for big, new adventures.  But for a weekly gathering, especially one on a weeknight when people may be tired or overwhelmed, having someone come into a game night expecting board games only to see a karaoke machine might be a little much.  Yeah, yeah, we should all be flexible but if we want to relax into connection, meeting expectations goes a long way.

Finally, simplicity is so necessary to connection building habits.  Think of most habits you have.  They rarely involve more than a dozen steps, even when you break them down piece by piece.  All of the recipes I have memorized are less than 5 steps.  Our brain can’t run a habit in the background if it requires too much working memory.  For the game night, if I decide to create a murder mystery every week, there are too many tasks and variables for that ever to become habitual.  Putting out snacks, pulling out some games and putting on music, that’s achievable.  Save the fancy stuff for holidays, when memory making, not habit building, is the goal.

What consistent, predictable and simple connections enrich your life?