Hard Pass: Loving Your Limits

It’s a bit ironic that I have spent the last six posts talking about moving beyond limits because if you asked the people in my life, they would be able to articulate my limits very clearly.  I don’t bring kids to crowded places; I don’t eat spicy foods; I don’t have lots of new people into my house; I don’t bring my kids into non-kid-friendly spaces; I can’t listen to too many competing voices at once.  Push any of these things and I’m out.  I just…don’t.

Now, sometimes I can self-sacrifice for a one-off thing if it’s really important, like a wedding.  But usually, I adhere to these limits.  I want to say that I do it out of some principle but really, I’m just trying to avoid panic attacks in public.  At the same time, I’ve realized that holding these boundaries, respecting them, and even loving them lets my generosity flow.

I don’t handle kids in crowds because it makes me really nervous.  I move into a place of safety scarcity.  As hard as I try, the best I can do is to hold it together.  And you know what?  I’m working on that, and it’s ok that I haven’t got it yet.  Because when I’m not in crowds, when I’m in my house with a horde of kids, I’m pretty fucking awesome.  I have zero issues with glitter, can come up with an obstacle course on the fly and don’t care if they dig holes all over my backyard. 

What are your limits, your boundaries?  What things move you into a place of scarcity?  What do you muscle through when you have to but can’t be generous through?  When I’m really struggling in those moments, I am being self-sacrificial. Those moments are where that value shines.  But if I’m trying to use generosity to build connection, it’s ok to wait for a time when I feel safe.  Then I get to go overboard with generosity.

Dream for a moment.  If you could go overboard with generosity, what would you do?  Would you throw a party?  Would you write letters to those you love?  Would you patiently teach a skill to an interested child?  Would you dog-sit so someone can go on vacation?

Ok.  What limits do you need to make that generosity happen?  How can you structure your life to let you give recklessly?