Two Sides of the Same Coin: When Others are Annoying

One of the most meaningful realizations I’ve has was to notice that whenever someone drove me crazy, that same characteristic was also the source of my affection for them. My eldest brother and I are very similar in some ways but very different in others. We were once talking and I described myself as an exposed nerve: sensitive, aware, but prone to overreacting if there was too much going on. He laughed and said he was like a water balloon:  he could feel large stressors but the mild stuff often never reached his awareness.

I’m sure I drive him nuts with my overpreparedness, frustration, and tension. As for my thoughts about him, well, on the one hand I’m jealous. On the other hand, let’s just say I book an extra hotel room whenever we’re planning a family trip because it makes me nervous that he might not have one.

But the other side of both of our irritating ways is the beauty of who we are. He’s incredibly in the moment. If you’re with him, he’s paying attention to you. No worries about future plans, or regrets about the past. I love it. But I can’t get the good without the frustrating.

Now I don’t know if he appreciates my planningness. But I’ve been told that some people find it quite relaxing to wonder about dinner and be presented with my research on the five best restaurants within a one-mile radius. You can’t get my thoughtfulness without my intensity.

When we’re in community, the more people there, the more chance for irritation there is. But there’s also a pretty good chance that we need what the other person has to give. Maybe that brusque person also provides a moment of honesty in a time of decision. Maybe the noncommittal flaky one has the flexibility to drop by and help out in an emergency. Maybe the quiet one who doesn’t talk much has the exact right words to soothe.

We have to figure out how to overcome the ordinary messiness of being with other people, but it will be a lot easier to find our way through if we can realize that the very things we can’t stand are what we will need in times of trouble. Appreciation is what we’ll need to lean on when mutual vulnerability maybe shows us some things we don’t like.

What irritates you?  How does that same trait also help?