Nicotiana

Nicotiana is a flower that has a bad reputation, at least around here. It’s pretty uncommon to see outside of the southeastern US and I’m not sure how I stumbled upon it, but it’s been a huge hit around here. Well, for Forrest and I, it has. It grows to be 2-3 feet tall, and has pink/purple/white flowers, which, at night, release the most beautiful smell.

It’s also very poisonous.

My kids, especially my eldest, hate it. It’s a hate borne of fear, which she will freely admit. The plant is a member of the tobacco family and so, if eaten, it will kill you. Unfortunately for her, the plant is beautiful, low maintenance, and has adapted well to our laissez-faire approach to flower planting. When the choice is between caring for the delicious cucumbers or weeding the beautiful but deadly nicotiana, it’s not hard to decide. The nicotiana has spread throughout our flower beds and I love it. Unlike the morning glories, which would gladly choke out everything else, it’s a well-behaved flower.

It’s hard for me, as a parent, to do something that my kids have specifically objected to. I don’t mean objections to house rules or eating their vegetables or something normal like that. I mean when they say specifically, I don’t like that decision you’re making and it affects me. As my kids age and have more of thier own opinions, it comes up more often. To be fair, there are a lot of hills I’m willing to die on now that they’re older. When they were toddlers, I wasn’t going to fight my corner over choosing what to watch on TV. For one thing, all those toddler shows are the same mind-numbing dreck. For another, if you push a toddler too far, they’re liable to bite you.

But these days, I’m starting to stand my ground on the little things. I tell myself that it’s good for them to learn how to accommodate others and I don’t want any prissy kids who always have to have their own way, but let’s be honest: there are five people and four animals living in this 1300 square foot house. My kids are used to compromise. I’m not doing this for their own good.

It’s hard to admit that maybe I stand my ground on the nicotiana because I just like it. Maybe that’s what I’m modelling: that it’s ok to like things and want to have them around for no other reason than they bring you joy. There’s no actual harm to any members of my family. They know not to eat the flowers or leaves and our yard has plenty of other inedible and poisonous plants.

I think that if there is one thing I’m modelling, it’s that when something brings you joy, you hold on to it. It’s easy to eliminate everything that gives us anxiety or fear. It’s a surefire route to the most comfortable life. But comfort and joy aren’t the same. And sometimes, many times, joy is complex. It takes effort and thought and even overcoming fears.

And that’s what I love the most about nicotiana. It blooms in the dark, smells intoxicating, and will definitely kill you if you eat it. The beauty lies in the complexity.