Book release! (and some thoughts on being a real person)

Oh my goodness. the Mud Witch of Verdun launches this Saturday! I could not be happier or more nervous or more exhausted. All of the feelings. All of them.

I think that what I’m supposed to do here, a few days before the launch, is talk all about how amazing the book is. But what I really want to do is talk about how wild it is to self-publish a book. So let’s start with the part I’m supposed to do and then we’ll get to the part I want to do.

This book is fun. It’s full of explosions and magic and blood and skulduggery. Betrayal and friendship and a little bit of sarcasm. Addy was a really, really fun character to write. She’s all the things I wish I could be and am happy that I am not. She’s impulsive and brave, great in a crisis and never satisfied. She starts the book on a sinking ship and it only gets more intense from there. She looks out a war that was literally called The Great War and thinks, “Yeah, I should do something about that.”

And the world that she inhabits, away from the war, is an idyllic island off the coast of France. It’s full of gardens and delicious food and lots of strong personalities. There are quiet beaches and crowded community kitchens and everything is made better by magic. If I could live there, I would.

And finally, the book is full of amazing women. They all have talents and flaws and even the not-so-nice ones have their reasons. I loved writing them all so differently and then using what they brought to the table to build a really fun story. You should read it. Either by buying it on Kindle or Paperback or in pieces, here on the website.

Ok, writing that was more enjoyable than I thought, but let’s talk about the wild process of self-publishing. Did you know that you can just sit down at your kitchen table and, like, create something? And that even if no one wants to publish it, that you can just shrug your shoulders and say, ok, I guess I’ll just do it then? And that the only thing standing between a blank page and a book on your shelf is a lot of work and letting go of your ego?

It’s that last piece that’s hard for me. The idea that the publishing of this book is somehow less than real because I did it myself. It’s funny, how I still want the A+, the external validation, the idea that someone who knows more than me decided that this book is worth reading. I have no doubt that I would jump on a publishing contract that if got the chance. Nevermind that it probably wouldn’t make me any money. It’s about feeling like a real author, like a real grown up with a real job who is a real person worthy of respect.

Whew. And then I remind myself that my most deeply held belief is that all humans have dignity; all humans are worthy of respect. It is not tied to what we have done or left undone. It is not tied to what we have or how much we know. It exists because we exist. That’s it.

And it is that deeply held belief that allows me to sit down and write the book and inspect every typo and format it and design the cover and then promote it. Because if I were worried about my dignity, about my worth, I would be far too ashamed to put this little, unwanted book out there. There are people out there, a lot of people out there, who think that if something doesn’t have the stamp of institutional support, then it’s not valid. And you know what?

I bet they have a lot less fun. I bet all that invalidity just eats away at the joy of creation, at the wonder of what our human brains are capable of.

That’s why I write books. Even when it’s not fun, it’s fun, you know what I mean? And when I push the publish button, all I want is for a few people to have fun reading it. I want The Mud Witch of Verdun to bring a smile to someone’s face. Anything else is just gravy.

So, if you have a few bucks, order the book this Saturday. If not, keep watching this space. I’ll be releasing the book, little by little, over the next 6 months. And most of all, do me a favor: take a second to think about what you could do if you stopped worrying about being a real person and started being the amazing human you are.