You'll Have to Forgive Me: Generosity of Expectations

My internet connection is down.  I know, first world problem, but the upshot of that is I spent virtually no time rummaging around on the internet today and have therefore written 5 blog posts, done the dishes, pre-made dinner and spent an hour on the phone trying to fix our internet issues.  All that to say, this is blog post number 6 of the day and I may have moved past productive into loopy.

That’s ok because the last type of generosity is generosity of expectations.  When we give and receive help in a community, we’re offering a type of vulnerability.  From the giver saying, “This is what I have, do you want it?” and from the receiver saying, “Yes, I have needs I cannot fill and this will help.”  The goal is to change into a community where people can ask for what they need, flipping the script in our stand-on-your-own-two-feet society.

We need to move away from our current ideas of friendship to a network of true connection where people can be seen for who they are.  When we are generous with our expectations of each other, we no longer require people to be who we want them to be.  The natural response to someone letting us be ourselves can only be described as an exhale, a sigh of relief.

When we relax into a social situation, we signal that there are no goalposts to meet, no grades to be given; the only reason to be there is to enjoy each other’s company. I admit, I struggle with cynicism sometimes.  Why are they texting me?  What do they want?  Do they need something again?  In connected community, we don’t have to worry about that.  They’ll ask if they need something because they know we’ll give it if we can.  Connection and transaction are no longer intertwined.  We can rest, knowing that we are wanted for more than what we have to offer.

I sometimes sit in awe of how basic this is and yet how extraordinary.  How often can we say we are in spaces where no one wants or needs anything from us, other than that we be ourselves?  How, when we are walking around as giant balls of need, can we even create that place?

Weirdly, it only happens when we look at our wants and needs head on.  Otherwise they are lurking in the periphery, trying to come out sideways.  But when we’ve stared them down through self-care (needs) and self-sacrifice (wants), we don’t have to pretend they don’t exist anymore and like the monster under the bed, they disappear.

Then we can finally banish our expectations of who we all should be and start letting each other be who we are.