More Power Than You Think
I was looking back at photos from a few years ago and remembering what it was like to have little toddlers. Forrest and I were reminiscing over our old park trips with the three girls. We were remembering going to a park once when the twins were one and Magnolia was 3. At that stage, Magnolia didn’t really have the coordination to go down slides and put her feet down at the right moment, which led to a lot of tears as she fell into the dirt every time a slide was more than a foot off the ground. After a few repeats, we just told her to go down on her stomach with her feet first. That way, when she got to the bottom, her feet would naturally go down and stop her before falling. At worst, she’d fall on her butt. To be honest, when I became a parent, I didn’t think I’d have to figure out this kind of crap. But it turns out 80% of parenting toddlers is keeping them from hurting themselves via lack of coordination.
Anyway, at this park, some mom had appointed herself the slide police and was sitting at the top of the slide making sure all the kids were going down on their bottoms. This was weird, but fine, I suppose, if that’s how she wants to spend her Friday night, okay. Except, then Magnolia gets up there. And lays down on her stomach. The woman tries to tell her to sit down, and Magnolia refuses, knowing that if she does that she’s going to get a faceful of mulch. M looks at me and I nod, letting her know she has my permission to go down on her stomach. That’s all she needs, and off she goes.
Around again, this woman tries again. Magnolia ignores her time after time and each time, this woman tries to get my random kid she doesn’t know to go down the slide properly. Not once does my kid obey and not once do I try to make her. Because this lady is being stupid. She has authority over these kids, by virtue of being a grown-up, and she’s wasting it. I don’t mind other people helping me parent my children. If my kid is a mean girl, I want to know about it. If my kid is screwing up, I want to know about it. But I also expect other people to use their power well.
What does this have to do with making a difference in community? First, I kind of don’t care because I would retell that story any day of the week and twice on Sundays. That lady was bizarre. Second, though, my point is that each of us have power and authority. No matter how small, no matter how inconsequential, we have the ability to shape and change situations. Some of us may use that power to try to make preschoolers sit on their bottom on the slide. That is a bad way to use our power. It is useless and small and makes everyone’s life worse.
You may think, especially in this time when we are so isolated, that you don’t have the power to make change in your community. But you do. And so do I. Sometimes that power is in not giving into our fears, in refusing to react. Sometimes that power is in learning, being aware and thinking about things in a new way. Sometimes that power is in simply existing in the world in a different way, counteracting our culture through small habits. And sometimes, that power is through putting our nose to the grindstone in what most of us think of as “making change”.
Each of us has a role in our community and a voice. Those roles and voices might change from moment to moment and a lot of them may never be as formal as we’d like. But don’t ever discount your ability to change the culture of a place. After all, community is just the culmination of all the small choices of all the people in a place. Choose connection, choose kindness, choose respect, and you’ve already used your power for good.
